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The urge to pair up is natural and understandable. Being in a healthy, loving relationship offers many benefits for our mental and even physical well-being. But, it is easy to lose focus and look for anyone rather than the right one. We may be sick of being alone and convince ourselves that certain people are good matches when we know deep down, they aren’t. I am certainly no expert, but as deeply introspective person who went from a romantic train wreck to meeting a great guy who I will soon marry, I wanted to share some insights that helped put me finally couple up with someone that was right for me.
No matter what area of your life you are trying to achieve better results, it is crucial to know that your past does not dictate your future. When looking back at all our romantic ‘’failures’’ it is easy to develop a destructive mindset that you will never be able to get anything other than what you have already experienced in this arena of life. Our mindset is very powerful and has a huge impact on the type of reality we experience. You are not destined to be alone, or with someone who treats you badly or with a specific type of person and no one else.
It is easy to blame our love woes on some cruel outside force or bad luck, but guess what? You are looking at the problem in the mirror. My personal ephiphany was that getting involved with people who were not good matches, and developing all-consuming crushes on people who did not feel the same, were a result of being afraid to be in actual relationship, where I would be vulnerable, let someone see the real me and perhaps have to compromise my fiercely independent nature. You are getting involved with the wrong people because on some level, there is some benefit. This may seem silly on the surface, but if you think more about it, you will find the reason. Once you discover more about your motivations, you will have an easier time staying away from people you know are bad for you and gravitating towards better matches.
Right before I met my fiancé, I had made a concerted effort to be more open about dating. There had been a guy from high school that apparently had a crush on me and we somehow reconnected years later. I did not feel an instant attraction, but he was nice and I tested the waters. Then there were a couple of other dates that I would have normally passed on. Obviously, none of these people ended up being ‘’the one,’’ but I believe that my openness set a strong intention that allowed the right person to come into my life, which happened shortly after. Be open to going out with anyone who may ask, try speed dating, or get online. There are chat rooms for 50 plus, Christians, Muslims, animal lovers and numerous other specific groups of people. Here you can connect with people who you know you will have many things in common with.
About the Author: Kelli Cooper is a freelance writer who enjoys blogging about all things love and dating.
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